But that's what I am...

I was a bank teller for almost a year before coming to Thailand. It wasn't the most exciting job in the world but it paid. One day, a Filipino customer came up to my window. While processing her transaction, one of my bankers (who is also Filipino) starts a conversation with her in Tagalog. In the middle of the convo, my banker puts her hand on my shoulder and tells the woman that I’m Filipino too.

Mrs. Customer: (She looks at me) “Do you speak Tagalog?”

Me: “No, I never learned. We grew up with English at my house.”

Mrs. Customer: “You’re not Filipino.”

Ouch. I remember being so offended. I i didn't know speaking Tagalog was a prerequisite for being considered Filipino.

Everyday since I’ve been in Thailand, people tell me, “You look Thai” but it comes out “You loo li a Thai”. I don’t mind it. I am very aware that I’m brown, with semi-squinty eyes and dark hair, just like Thai people. The follow up question is usually something along the lines of: “Where you come from?”

My response: “America.”

They don’t understand. “But you loo li Asia,” which translates into: “But you look Asian.” I explain that I was born in America and (to make it easier for the person I’m talking with and myself) I say that my parents are from the Philippines, even when mom was born in the States as well.

So in America (to this lady), I'm not Filipino and in Thailand I'm not American.

But that's what I am...

Two things:

1. I find it interesting that it’s hard for people to grasp the fact that although I’m physically Filipino, I’m very much American. It seems as though the people who are associated with America are those with lighter complexions and rounder eyes. Wrong.

2. I never realized how much I identify myself as American. This section is not meant to disown my Filipino side, it’s just a realization that everything I know—thought process, actions, world view, etc.—is through an American lens, with Filipino influence.

I understand that people just want to know what Asian category I fit into but I’m not just Asian or Pacific Islander or Filipino or what have you; I’m American too. The next time people ask “where you come from”, I’m just going to say:

I’m American-Filipino.