I'm a firm believer that 99.9999% of life is mental. We are
met with experiences that make us question our abilities and potentially cause
us to fear the possibilities of the future—relationships, careers, etc. Fear of
the unknown...is how the saying goes. But how does one fear something one
doesn’t know? Doesn’t make sense, but it happens.
I’m not ashamed to
admit that it happens to me.
Stick me in the middle of Bangkok's JJ's Weekend Market,
I'll eventually find my way out. Go off trail and get lost in the Tamana Negara
jungle, I'll just retrace my tracks. But take me home, no debt, no major
expenses, and with the ability to make moves in every which way...
Can I freak out now?
Yes? Okay.
FREEEEEAKING OUT!
Yes? Okay.
FREEEEEAKING OUT!
Life got complicated…and
scary…when I stopped thinking about progressing. Nine months ago, I gave
myself six months to start traveling again. Six months ago, I started working.
Five months ago, I picked up a second gig. Two months ago, I realized I was
burnt out. One month ago, I turned 25. Two weeks ago, I sat hunched over and
cried in a towel bin, as I asked myself:
What the fuck am I doing?
My very own Scrubs moment.
The transition back to everything North American, more
specifically, Hollywoodian (?) was the hardest thing I had to go through. The
culture, the people, the mentality, this weird attachment to material things
and pseudo-connections, everything…I didn’t want to associate with it. So I chose
not to think about it. I grabbed the remote, paused my brain, and picked up two
jobs. For four months, I worked like a machine between 50-55 hours a week with one
day off. Everything that was in focus before somehow dissipated.
Work. Work out. More work. Sleep.
Work out. Work. More
work. Sleep.
I turned in my two-week notice the day of my towel room
breakdown. At that point, I knew my happiness was worth more than a free gym membership. And, now I can breathe, no more treading water. Brain is back on play and those wheels are turning, and they're turning hard. It's about time I took control of life, instead of letting it manhandle me. Time to refocus.
Cheers to a bright future
of endless possibilities.
Cheers! You got this ;)
ReplyDeleteLove you xx
Glad to see you have emerged--with clarity--from the LA smog. Welcome back.
ReplyDeleteThat's it! That's the mentality of a young, driven, goal oriented soul. But don't be so critical about everything around you at the moment, it's part of the equation. In fact, what you're experiencing here now, everything you dislike is the reason why, as you put it " wheels are turning and turning hard". You have been reenergized! ;-)
ReplyDelete